Hi!

I had decided not to post anything about my decisions and reasons, but after some reflection, the fairest thing would be to explain, since there were many people following the AIEW Blog during these two years, and helping me in every way, to keep the site up. Plus, Annelise’s post on KCE is one more important reason to write this down.

I joined that Brazilian community on Orkut when I became a Kelly Clarkson’s fan, and a few months ago, I joined the Kelly Clarkson Express. It was 2009, “All I ever wanted” releases.

I used to post links to download the songs of KC’s appearances on Orkut, and sometimes over here, but I decided to create a blog, and I did.

It was hosted on Blogspot.com (www.kellbclarkson.blogspot.com), and after 2 months, when it was getting too much visitors. I was learning how to use Photoshop, and my graphics were awful. I thought they were beautiful though, and wanted sharing them and my audios.

When Kelly dyed her hair into red, some fans of that community was complaining and I posted a comment here telling Brazilian fans disliked the new color. I was attacked, for the first time, by Annelise’s friend – William.

Three or four months later, Annelise had a proposal to me – she asked me to close my blog and being a part of her site’s member – she was re-opening her site and she wanted me to post-update it. She also said it would be a reliable KC’s source, because they had own domain - .com , and my blog wasn’t that reliable, since it was hosted on Blogspot.

I said thanks, but I was happy with my blog. She said she wasn’t able to make graphics on Photoshop and mine were great, and I offered my help to teach her using the software.

We’ve been talking on MSN for a while – I used to post stuff here, on my blog and on Orkut.

Some months later, I got the Pre Show songs, by trading and I shared them with some Expressers and wanted to share the stuff with Brazilian fans. I asked the permission to some owners and they allowed me to share a few songs at the Brazilian’s community.

I had to explain those songs couldn’t leak due the owners request and I said I’d share them little by little – and those Brazilian fans turned mad at me because they want all the songs, at the same time. I said I couldn’t share them all, but I’d be sharing how many as I could.

First war – they didn’t accept it and when I shared the first one, it leaked on YouTube. File description was – “Credit – AIEW Blog”. That time,I had changed the Blog’s name and bought the own domain.

They denied they were guilty, and I talked to a friend, which is a cop, and he said it was possible to find out who had created that fake account on YouTube and leaked the song. When I said that on Orkut, the link-profile-song was removed immediately.

I decided do not share those songs with those people anymore. They got even mad at me. I stopped to post on the community.

Some members of that, added me on MSN and started to talk to me, being close and friendly. They used to say Annelise was mad at me because her site wasn’t that good as mine and she was envious. They said they weren’t hers friend, and pretended to be my friends all the time.

Time had past, they looked to be nice people and asked me some Pre Show songs. I sent some to them. Months ago, I found out everything was a lie and them all were Annelise’s friend. One of those people is the guy that made the new post on Orkut, blaming me for the leaks – Gabriel.

I was betrayed.

When Cleopatra leaked, I asked to Annelise’s friend, William, to not post links to Annelise’site – he tweeted me saying he wouldn’t remove the link, unless, Kelly asked for it, then I tweeted him saying they weren’t fans because they weren’t respecting the artist.

Second war.

They made a lot of posts about my personal life on Orkut, insulting, humiliating and threatening me.

I was kicked off of Orkut when I tried to defend myself, since Annelise and her group was attacking me and my blog.

They used to get the stuff posted on my blog to post on their website, or on Orkut. I tweeted Annelise to remove my stuff from her site, and she did.

I’ve been biting my tongue for a long time – reading the same things, that my blog was crap, a “virtual trash”, as they loved to name it; the only thing I did was download files and upload to my server, then post on my blog and it was acceptable why the reason it was so popular and good, according to their words.

They say Kelly doesn’t come to Brazil because I don’t help them to promote her here, because I don’t make calls to the radios asking for her songs, and they do not accept when I say she has no enough fans here.

It’s not my fault if the only songs that a few people know, are “Because of you” and “Breakaway”.

This time, they blame me for listening to the songs and asking why I have more rights than them. Why I have some privileges, and they don’t, once they are around for long years, and as they said, I’m nothing.

I wouldn’t make the same mistake twice.

The only thing I tried to do, during these two years, was have some fun and sharing Kelly’s stuff. I never wanted to show that I was the best Kelly’s fan. I hadn’t nothing to prove.

After all those accusations and provocations, I decided to stop with everything – I was getting sad every time someone showed me something about me and my blog. It happened all the time. E-mails, comments on the posts, tweets, everywhere.

I loved doing what I did, but when things started to ruin your personal life, it’s time to move on and stop with everything, and that’s what I did today morning. I cancelled everything because it’s really too much to deal with, and I’m sure I didn’t deserve all that humiliation.

I’m thankful for all the support from some awesome Kelly’s fans. I’m thankful for the trust and friendship, and I wanna say sorry again, but I break.

What I take from these two years, despite the good times, is a lot of heartache. Nobody cares, I know, but since I got some e-mails, mad ones because I deleted the blog and people are mad-sad, I just can say that I’m the saddest person in the Kelly Clarkson’s World tonight.

I spent money, time and soul to build something good to the fans, and I never expect nothing in return, but I thought people would respect me, my person, what I am….and, I’m seeing they didn’t.

It’s easy to type “drama” when it’s not about you, when your name is not posted everywhere, as the bad apple of the story. I’m upset, ashamed and hurt.

After all, I gained nothing… I just lost, and probably this is one of my worst defeats.

That’s all.

Be safe,

Fernanda.